vibes

Hello world,

Will you look at that, its been another few years since I have written on this blog, are past, present or future me suprised? Not at all. Some things never change.

Some things do though. I have graduated uni. Got a job. Dating a guy I can see myself being with for life. Life is good. Until it's not.

I feel like i only ever use this platform to complain but it is a good way to release what I am feeling.

To start with, we are into the second year of the covid pandamic so understandably mental health has been on a downward spiral. The world is obsessed with technology, social media and electronics. At the same time the "cottagecore" vibes are encouraging people to avoid using technology and go back to the basics of life, there is a lot of information to prove that this is highly benificial. But you must take aesthetic photos of the experience away from tech, obviously. So many double standards, I always feel so much better when I am not on my phone all the time, but it is my connection with the outside world at the moment. I am

house sitting, for some reason avoiding people while at the same time craving human connection. Go figure.

Friends. For once in my life I am lacking friendships. My sister and best friend live in different states, my other best friend works dumb hours so I never see her. I am not as close to high school friends as I used to be, even though I could easily message them and I am sure they would want to hang out. I am at a weird in between with netball friends and my boyfriends friends, not yet comfortable to hang out one on one with them all, even though again I am sure they would love to. I do not have the same easy confidence and friendly *vibe* anymore. I need to smile more, make an effort and be the one who initiates activities. It is just easier to be in bed sometimes.

I cannot wait to go home, but at the same time, all I want is a place of my own. It is going to take some time for that to happen. Savings need to grow over the next year (goal: writing it down manifests it right? I will have enough money for a house by august 2022). My SO is not yet ready to move out and I quite like the benifits of home. But a place of my own that I can do whatever I want to, yes pleaseeeee.

Otherwise, I really want to travel. Part of my reason for feeling depressed and stuck is because I cannot travel at the moment cos of dumb covid... but keep saving and one day

Job. I have applied at a winery which will be exciting if I hear back from them. Current job is much better than the cafe but im not sure how long I will hang around for. I will see how the dynamic changes once the manager is back.

Things to help improve my life:

netball - coach and play, boot camp, committee (plan socials), social team

theatre - hopefully hear back soon

new job - enjoy searching

learning - continue to learn use that brain

quiz night - once a week

friendships - make a concerted effort to catch up with people

wellbeing - sleep, food, excersise etc.

writing - keep writing, on here, on my typewriter, on paper, anywhere and everywhere it makes me feel better

3 things I am greatful for

1 - plants and a room that makes me happy

2 - my family, boyfriend and teeny tiny puppy for loving me through all my moods

3 - having a job with good people who make me laugh and gives me a solid income

And for now, good vibes to all.

Ciao,

Penelope Paige xx